A Little Bit Broken.


I don't usually write blog posts on my feelings. Most often, they're about the fluffy/fun parts of Los Angeles, and the crazy extended family that makes their home up in the Bay Area. This week, however, I left my family in Tennessee. And that's no laughing matter.

It's roughly 2,004 miles from my front door to theirs, and sometimes I think I can personally feel every foot of it. Whoever came up with the term, "homesick" wasn't kidding. There's a pressure on your chest, and tears feel like they hide right behind your eyes. Sometimes I catch myself walking on eggshells around the office/home as to not jostle the delicate nature of my heart.

Is that strange? To be twenty-years-old, and completely broken over being so far away from home? It's a bit odd to come to terms with. I've washed the floors of the bathroom at work with tears that came too fast to stop, and listened to country music that strikes a sudden, hidden chord. I woke up on Monday morning much too early (I was still on Dad/Tennessee time), and watched as the sky bled colors of light blue and pink. It's beautiful, but different. And it hurts.

When I went away to college, everyone was missing home. We were all torn away from the people we loved, and thrust into a dorm with a hundred other girls in the same situation. It's different, now. At school, the other students go home to their families, and I hear people at work talking about plans for the weekend with siblings, or dinners with mom and dad. I'm happy for them, but there's a little chink of envy in my heart. I wish I could do the same thing.

I fought tears the whole plane flight back, and finally managed to let go once I found a note from my Mama tucked away in my carry-on bag. On the outside she had written, "Meg: Open in LA." She tucked in a little love note somewhere in Tennessee, and I was lucky to find it before I went to bed late Sunday night. She wrote about how much she loves me, and God's plan. It was her last line {paraphrased, here. some letters are too personal to share} that hit me hard. "God has a great plan for you...but I pray he always leads you home."

It's in moments like these that I realize the inevitable.
Sometimes, it's okay to be a little broken.

 {dad and mama}


 {a night out for live music//love the lady smiling in the background}

 {playing games at starbucks}

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