do you look single?

i was buying a nice little stack of candy at the work cafe the other day, when the cute little cashier looked me up and down and said, "you're single, huh? enjoy it. this time is much too short." it was a random/weird out-of-the-blue statement that made me stop in my tracks.

um, hello? do i just "look" single?

wow. i kind of smiled, (emphasis on the 'kind of'), and walked nice and fast out of there. is it because i buy airhead candy with little to no fear of hip expansion? maybe since sometimes i just throw on shorts and a t-shirt for work, because i'm too tired to do anything else...is it the book i always read on my breaks?

i have no idea, but i had to laugh. what else do you do in a situation like that? i have been in relationships before {i only have good memories, guys! ;) }, and just recently dodged a MAJOR bullet with someone else. it's not the question of actually "getting" into a relationship. i'm just a bit picky. if i'm going to invest my heart in you, to make an "us," i want to make sure that it's worth it. i take heartbreak extremely seriously, and i don't think ben and jerry's markets enough flavors to keep me occupied.

i just recently celebrated my second straight year of singleness after the absolutely hardest break-up i have ever had to endure. the first year afterwards i vowed not to date at all, but instead to invest in the well-being and care of myself, as well as the necessary upkeep needed for my faith. i didn't want to rebound with someone i didn't feel strongly about, and then deal with the same issue all over again. so now here i am, twenty whole years old and singlesinglesingle. it's not a bad word, guys. come on.

that sweet little cashier was right. single life is just as precious as being in a relationship, and so is this period of 'singleness'. there have been a couple boys this semester at school (future police officer + a film maker who has worked with james franco. i love LA), but none of them have really struck a chord. i like to flirt and smile and have fun. (i also might have ditched in the middle of class with the boy who sits next to me, just to eat top ramen outside and talk about san francisco.) but i don't want anything other than that. it just simply, isn't the time. i feel like there's too much to do.

i wouldn't have stayed in LA if i was in a relationship. i never would have had those midnight trips into santa monica, or the hours giggling with my roommate. i wouldn't be moving to nashville in a couple of weeks or going to africa. there are so many doors that were opened due to my crazy "on my own" mentality, and it's good. it's good and i'm happy (by the way. the boys in nashville? SO cute.) I know that the butterflies will make an appearance again in my life, and i'm excited for that time. hopefully it occurs after january.

one day i want to find the harry to my sally, i want to be "princess vivian" and wear a pretty white dress with a bunch of friends and family. i want to be able to tell an engagement story and laugh with my husband, to grow old with another hand clutched in my own, to make memories with him and tell stories. but this time is sweet, and much too short. for the one to ten years i stay single after college, there are many more married years to make up for them. this is one single lady that is begging, please. do not put a ring OR a label on it. friends are good. because this?

this is adventure time.